


Figure-less

by korik



Series: Hail Converted, Hell is for Thee [1]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Body hate, F/M, Genital dysphoria, Grinding, Internalized Hate, Non-Penetrative Sex, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, PTSD, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Probably ooc, Self-Hatred, Sex Talk, Sexism, Unhealthy beliefs, Written on an iphone, cis male not liking what he has, destructive beliefs about 'real sex', destructive heterosexuality, internalized behaviors, not sure how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:52:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2041551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/korik/pseuds/korik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I just got hit with a hankering. And cyborgs are awesome and yeah. Meant to be apart of the thought process Jack/Raiden has before getting enhanced and losing everything else of his physical body, with a bit of his own, albeit things I thought were more interesting, reasons.<br/>Also this is probably confusing as hell. I should mention ' ' with words between them means talking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Figure-less

When the button was pushed to connect them to the end of a page in his life, Jack - _no, Raiden_ \- swore he was done.

Cramming the mess into the fire of the dregs of his mind made him ill, but he tried not to think about the fact that with Rosemary he could look in a mirror again. She didn't care if he wasn't into penetrative sex - that he couldn't be a r _eal man_ and ' _stick it to her'_ like the guys in his equivalent highschool told him he could do, should do, and before bullshitting it out on his own and somehow finding her.

Fuck, how could he explain that fumbled first time to anyone else who wasn't there? that new, brutal moment where he ended up red faced, nearly yelling at her for _his own_ confusion, because it just had to be her fault. Sweet Rose responding, her face blotchy red, throwing something at him and kicking him out of her room while holding back tears.

How could anyone get that aftermath when he crawled to the other side of the door to her room where there was a handful of child's drawings just above his head, and he gushed out his _disgust_ \- 'No it's not you, I just don't get _hard_ thinking about sticking my - my _t-thing_ \- aw fuck, you would never understand - ' like trying to expel a _sin_ , a _disease_. He bit his tongue so hard he bled, trying not to tear his hair from his scalp in matted nests.

The pause was hell and as he nearly ran away again, shoving his tee over his head. Her voice came, and shattered the shell of silence. 'You like to use your hands; c-can we just...stick with what we know?'

He flushed and bit back at a growl - _but I want to try, why can't I be real, do what is fucking right??_ -wanting to ram his head into the wall opposite, below the photos of the family she had. 'I...okay. I don't want to talk about it anymore.' Breathe, in and out, it's done.

Her response startled him. 'Later then.' And the door swung open, she having - aw, _damn_.

His fingers curled at the pastel colored tee that clung to his chest - his shirt by contrast on her was dull, harsh. A hidden blotch on it's inside from where he'd used it as a wipe for his once cracked nose.

The hours and days after, she talked about whatever she wanted to distraction, and he tried to avoid the situation, the elephant that brayed it's way into his nightmares, made him sweat and hate sleep.

But now, with this day, this age, he'd carve it all away, forget the enjoyment where he'd later learned rutting up against her labia, grinding against her softness, something he found himself _envying_ for being so simple, together, _unobtrusive_ \- while he was _bulging_ andmonstrous    - letting her ride against the length of his cock until his mind was dry and he couldn't see straight. How blessed time left him wanting to kiss her breathless for _allowing_ him to touch her, for her touching the mangled flesh in turn as though to soothe the burning embarrassment.

He'd get rid of the pain that pleasure had brought him. That his body had ruined for him, and now he'd never have to worry about it again. They'd make him a _thing_ , and Rose could have her _real man_. 


End file.
